It all started at a work retreat. Three days of relaxing and learning to take of care ourselves, reigniting the spirit. The homework assignment from the first day was to bring something that describes you. Or is important to you. I forgot the exact assignment. Anyway, I brought pictures. Of me, my family, friends, etc. Generic, yes, but I am not so creative and I was going to be sharing this with several of my close co-workers and a lot of people from other departments that I had never met but could very likely work with at some point in my career. I like to keep my personal life private from strangers. Yeah, so I started this blog.
So, there we were outside sitting in a circle on the morning of the second day. There were approximately 35 women there. I honestly can only remember what 2 other people brought. One, brought her hands. Yes, you read it right, her hands. God gave her hands to heal people through massage. I am not religious. When I was growing up I went to church and was even confirmed but only because my parents forced me. I still don't even know what it means to be confirmed. In my young mind, it meant I didn't have to go to church anymore. After all, my mother "made a promise when I was baptized" and I was going to be confirmed. After that, I could make my own decisions when it came to church and religion. I will save my thoughts on religion and the fairy tale of god for another day. I am getting off the subject. Hands! I stifled my laugh, because no one else was laughing, at least not out loud. It just sounded absurd to me.
And then it happened, my close co-worker talked about a post from her blog. Something about her Grandfather. Memories. Things she had learned. How she missed him. And, how therapeutic this blog has been for her. The idea of starting my own blog never even occurred to me at the time. I was more impressed with her writing. It was so good! I completely understood what she was trying to say.
Now, keep in mind, writing was never my strong point. In fact, it is one of the things I do worst. I think I have a disorganized mind, if you haven't already figured that out, you soon will. Not to mention, I have a limited vocabulary and my writing skills suck. And so, I am always impressed with people that write really well. I think of it as a talent. A talent I was not gifted with.
So, when I went home that evening (or early afternoon as it was) I went straight to the internet in search of her blog. At the time, I am embarrassed to say, I was not even sure what a blog really was. A search of her full name led me right to her blog. Crazy! All this personal info was right there for the taking. I felt like I was reading her diary. I learned a lot about her. I had heard rumors at work about a medical issue she was having, but I don't believe rumors until I know they are true so I just filed the info in my head under 'unverified' and didn't really give it another thought. Well, there was confirmation of the rumor and all the sad and dirty details. There were posts about her family and friends. Pictures too. Of course, I read every last one and then was left with a difficult question. What do I do with all this info? Do I tell her I read her very private and personal information? I wanted to give her my support in this difficult time but she had no idea I even knew. When I say she is a close co-worker, I mean she was working there when I started 6 years ago. We work in the same (very large) department but don't always see each other every day. On average I worked with her anywhere from a few days a month to once a week.
So, I kept quiet. I kept working with her and never said a word. It wasn't easy. Especially after I found out she and her husband had sold their house and were building a new house. She didn't tell anyone at work about it. How could I tell her I knew? How about when she wrote about something that happened at work? I wanted to tell her she handled it well and I hope, if put in the same uncomfortable situation, I would do the same thing. But, I couldn't. Then, I saw that she had applied for a job in a different department. Of course she hadn't told anyone about that. She was offered the job and listed the pros and cons of taking it. Still kept quiet. She accepted the job. Finally another co-worker mentioned it a few days later. Of course I acted surprised.
After her good bye pot luck a thank you and good bye letter was posted on the door of the break room with her phone number, email address and a message to "keep in touch." And, there it was at the very bottom of the letter, her blog address. Finally, I could verbalize what I had been reading all this time. It had been almost a year and I had just about slipped a few times but caught myself. What a relief. I could tell her I looked at it too, and she wouldn't think I was some sort of stalker. She had, after all, posted the address for everyone in the whole place.
My relief soon ended when I came to work a few days later and the blog address had been scribbled out in maker. Who had done it? Was it her? Or someone else? And, why? Did she have second thoughts on sharing her life? Now what was I going to do? Go back to being quiet, and if you knew me, you would know that that is not an easy thing for me to do.
So, now she is gone and I am still reading her blog. I've even started reading some of the blogs on her blog roll, some of which are her family. What is wrong with me?! I am such a snoop, but isn't that what the internet is all about? No privacy. In my defense, if you don't want to world to know your business then you don't personally post it on the internet. Its' one thing if someone else is posting about you, but if you put it out there, you must want people to read it, right? I do. And I love the anonymity of it. It's probably because my own life is so boring, I find others lives so interesting.
Now this too, will be my dirty little secret.
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